


Friends

by shutupeccles



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Humor, Friendship/Love, Marauders' Era, Multi, Sexual Identity, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-13
Updated: 2012-02-13
Packaged: 2017-11-01 17:31:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/359448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shutupeccles/pseuds/shutupeccles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius and James suspect that Lily and Remus have more than tutoring in mind. It's obvious why James is jealous, but it takes Sirius a little longer to figure out why he doesn't like it either. Severus is equally displeased with this friendship. Is Sirius the only bloke in their year who doesn’t fancy Lily Evans? and what does Remus think?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Friends

**Author's Note:**

> asexual but highly emotional boy-kissing

###  On the Hogwarts Express

The red-haired spitfire wench and her sallow Slytherin-loving companion left the compartment and two pathetic specimens took their place. Short and tubby could be heard talking from the moment they entered the last carriage of the Hogwarts Express. Poor and weedy looked like he wanted aliens to invade the earth and take him away, now would be nice.

James and Sirius held a conversation in a glance:

_“They’re kidding, right?”_

_"Bring back the other lot.”_

_“Help me get rid of them.”_

But Tubby turned out to be hilariously rude. Sirius and James were laughing it up in no time. Weedy’s lips quirked occasionally, as though he felt guilty about finding something funny. He huddled in the corner furthest from the door, mouse coloured and pathetic from head to toe, silently turning toward the window when the food trolley trundled along. James, Sirius, and Tubby bought a load of snacks from the bustling witch.

“Potter, James,” the specky extrovert announced loudly to Tubby and Weedy. He and Sirius had introduced themselves before the Express began to roll.

“Peter Pettigrew,” Tubby said around a pumpkin pasty.

“This is Sirius.”

“I’m not mute, Potter.” Sirius Black was glad James left off his incriminating surname and couldn’t help smiling at the flapping mouth gesture James made with one hand.

James pointed at Weedy with the other. “Who’s that?” he asked. Peter shrugged and kept eating.

“Oi!” James pegged an every flavour bean at Weedy. Weedy’s brown eyes narrowed dangerously as he caught it. His reflexes were inhumanly quick. James and Sirius perked up. He’d suddenly become interesting. “Introductions happening here, we would like you to take part.”

Weedy looked away again. “No you wouldn’t. I don’t know any bawdy stories or scoff disproportionate amounts of confectionary.” His voice was quiet without being smooth, as though he didn’t use it often. James wasn’t impressed with his choice of words.

“Blimey! You should hook up with that red-head who was in here, pair of snobbish nobs. What was her name Sirius?”

Sirius shrugged as Peter declared Weedy wasn’t a snob.

“He defended me from a pair of Slytherin Prefects, and we hadn’t even met. What was that wicked jinx you used?”

It didn’t matter that Weedy stayed silent, Peter’s description of events automatically made him number four of their group.

###  First Year

Her name was Lily Evans. His was Remus Lupin. They were in the library so Evans could tutor Remus in Potions and be tutored in Defence Against the Dark Arts in turn. James and Sirius were behind a bookshelf in the library so they could spy on Evans and Remus.

“I’m better than him at Defence,” James grumbled beside Sirius.

“No you aren’t. You’re shitter than her.”

James ignored the whispered reply. “Tutoring? My golden snitch!”

It certainly looked more like flirting to Sirius. “He can’t seriously be interested in her,” he said at the same time that James asked “What can she possibly see in him?”

“You soft on Evans?” Sirius asked as the light of realisation rose over the horizon.

“Only if you’re hard for Remus,” James replied without delay.

“Why else would I agree to spend an hour watching him in here on a Sunday custom built for mischief and mayhem outside?” Sirius said it in a tone guaranteed to distract James from the truth, that Sirius wasn’t entirely sure why he was jealous of Evans. James was his best friend, not Remus. All Sirius knew for sure was that he’d stopped thinking of Remus as weedy yet pompous before first term ended, having decided that he was humble and shy.  
…and nice…

Nothing like James, who frowned as Evans and Remus laughed gently together. Remus smiled shyly. Evans flipped her ridiculously long hair over one shoulder.

“Just throw your knickers in his face and be done with it,” Sirius muttered. He suddenly wanted to be outside, flying his new broom high enough to get dizzy, or hitting things with a Beaters bat stolen from the Slytherin Quidditch kit. Evans would need that Mike Row Scope fellow to get a closer look at Remus Lupin's light brown eyes. Sirius looked at his shoes. He should not know the exact colour of his friend’s eyes without looking into them. Ah! He shouldn’t be thinking about looking into them in the first place!

“Do you think Evans suspects what we suspect?” James asked with a concerned edge.

“Which particular suspicion would that be, Mr Potter? Poofter, or werewolf?” Sirius asked. Every male in the school was a potential poof according to Peter. Spotting the genuine article had become a popular game among First Years. Sirius wondered if he might find one in the mirror. He hoped not.

“You’d know if he was the first and at least then I’d have nothing to worry about,” James replied. It was typical banter and the important half proved why he was jealous of the friendship between Remus and Evans.

“I doubt it would bother her, if we’re right about this mysterious illness of his. Being bestedest best friends with Snivellus Snape is hardly an endorsement of her good taste!”

“You said it wouldn’t matter if Remus was…”

“It won’t. It doesn’t.” Merlin's mouldy toe jam! Sirius actually liked Remus in a way he shouldn’t. He wished this conversation had never happened, so he wouldn’t have to pretend he didn’t, because if he had just gone outside and gotten in trouble **like normal** then he would not know that he thought Remus Lupin’s unique blend of polite perfection and mischievous fun was cute. Sirius was even developing his penchant for stupidly big words! His brain hurt. Knowing how much he liked Remus is what made it wrong. Ignorance truly was bliss. “I merely implied that with taste as poor as hers, Evans will propose to you at the end of Seventh Year.”

James charmed Sirius’ socks to sing a loud and embarrassing ditty about how much they hated being shoved down Sirius’ underpants to make his dick seem bigger, which of course got them thrown out of the library. With eyebrows raised, Remus and Evans watched the librarian chase after them.

“You and Sev both have rubbish taste in friends, Remus. Why do you hang out with them?”

“Sometimes I wonder.”

The words hit Sirius like a triple-hex and he stumbled enough for the librarian to catch him. Sirius stared at Remus. He'd just spent ages denying and then accepting that he found Remus delightfully cute and lovely, and Remus thought he was rubbish? Those brown eyes—the colour of which he had indeed remembered precisely—and one corner of Remus’ mouth were crinkled by amusement. He liked Sirius as a friend after all. Sirius grinned, lifting a trouser leg and twisting his ankle to briefly serenade Remus with the enchanted sock as the cranky old hag dragged him toward the door. Remus laughed and was ordered out of the library with his friends. Evans could be heard scolding James out of his hiding place as Sirius and Remus walked down the stairs.

“That girl has no sense of humour,” Remus said with a grimace. The expression was anything but cute. Sirius laughed. He suddenly felt better about everything.

 

###  Fourth Year

“Oi, Snivellus! Keep your wench away from our friend,” James called across the dungeon because Evans was talking to Remus by the student stores cupboard again. Sirius doubted calling her ‘wench’ would achieve anything.

“Keep your fellow fiend away from my friend **Rotter** ,” Snape replied smoothly. Evans smiled at him. He smiled crookedly back. James muttered the profanest swear words Peter invented.

Remus ignored all of them.

Sirius daydreamed about holding his hand as they walked along corridors or kissing him in the common room, or in their dorm room—on his bed. Merlin's mangled mango-seeds! He'd poured bubotuber pus over his text book instead of into the cauldron. Peter was looking at Heidi Abbott’s arse and James was mentally throwing Snape into an imaginary pit of death spikes. Sirius hurriedly siphoned up the mess with his wand, only to have Peter spill the entire cauldron in an attempt to stop James opening his stupid mouth again.

“You do realise Evans is Muggleborn, Severus. Didn’t think you’d stoop to… AH!” James grabbed his shin. Snape had whipped out his wand and somehow cracked him one without uttering a word. They weren’t supposed to begin nonverbal spells until Sixth Year. Sirius stood in front of James, wand at the ready. Remus joined Severus in front of Evans.

Evans boldly stepped in front of her honour guard. “I don’t need either of your help against that egotistical erumpent, thank you boys.”

“My word! My word!” Professor Slughorn blustered. “Wands away everyone, before I confiscate them. We don’t want the entire class in detention alongside Potter and Snape now, do we? Alas it has ever been so, wise wizards going to war over women. Why, I remember…” Slughorn forgot the current incident, enslaved by other recollections.

 

###  Fifth Year

Sirius continued brooding over it months later. Remus had chosen Evans over him. By ‘him’ Sirius meant James and Peter as well. Remus had chosen snooty, bossy Evans over his friends and that was the point. He’d probably told her he was a werewolf and all—and all meaning his illegal Animagi companions. If Miss Perfect Prefect knew about that, then Sirius, Peter and James were all fucked. James and Sirius used the invisibility cloak to follow Evans and Snape to a meeting of the Slug Club. Sirius was pleased to hear Snivellus harping on about that abominable Potions lesson. Neither he nor James found much to smile about in Lily’s reply.

“That’s Remus for you, Sev. He’s a peacekeeper at heart, and nothing like those big-heads he hangs round with. It’s a shame he wasn’t in the same compartment as us on our first day, and that you’re in a different house. Think of what the three of us could achieve, especially against the three of them?”

Snivellus muttered something. Evans stopped him by placing a hand on his chest. Sirius thought Snape looked ready to spunk his duds.

“I like Remus Lupin a lot. He’s cute and funny, and don’t say what you think he is Severus Snape because I’m tired of hearing it!” That was a relief. Remus hadn’t dobbed them all in. “He likes me as a friend, that’s all. I was so embarrassed after I kissed him…”

“You kissed Lupin?” Snape asked. He looked ready to lose his lunch even before Evans nodded. Sirius felt James turn to stone beside him and was astonished to see an identical expression of horrified surprise on his face. So, it wasn’t the fact that Evans kissed a werewolf that had Snivellus grossed out, but someone that wasn’t **him**. Sirius didn’t find that information funny. He could only hope, like the others, that Remus did not return that kiss.

“I tried, anyway,” Evans admitted. “He was very polite—as he is—and hasn’t made fun of me or told his annoying Marauder mates anything. He actually apologised for not being interested! Of course, if he’s playing hard to get or Potter’s behind this, then I’ll shave their heads while they sleep.”

“There’s a quicker way,” Snivellus offered eagerly, as happy as Sirius.

“You’re not jealous, are you Sev?” Evans teased. Snape snorted.

“Of Lupin? Honestly Lily, you’re supposed to be the intelligent Gryffindor.” The door to Slughorn’s opulently adorned office closed behind them.

“That was informative,” Sirius said to James.

James abruptly removed the cloak and stuffed it into his robes. “I’ll skin that ruddy werewolf!” he declared as he strode to their dormitory.

Peter perched on the end of his bed with round eyes, too surprised by this turn of events to be angry about being last to know.

“This is precisely why I didn’t tell any of you,” Remus said wearily as he dressed for bed. “Sirius isn’t biting my face off!” The way he said it suggested this was a surprise.

Sirius hadn’t told any of them he was a poof yet. Did Remus somehow figure it out? Did Sirius say embarrassing stuff in his sleep, and they all knew? Did they think being homo was worse than being a werewolf?

James proved all his thoughts involved Evans. “So you don’t like her then?” It was probably the closest to an apology that Remus was going to get.

Remus glared as he buttoned up his pyjamas. “Of course I like her! If I were a true Gryffindor I would have thrown my arms around Lily Evans, kissed her until our tongues fell out, admitted I’ve been dreaming of doing precisely that for nearly two years, and then told her what I truly am! But I can’t possibly hook up with the only girl who’ll ever like me, because one of my ‘friends’ is so obsessed with her, he’d cover the castle walls with photographs of me phasing under a moon, just to make sure she broke up with me!” Remus stomped out of the room in his pyjamas, came back to get a dressing gown and slippers, and stormed out again.

“I wouldn’t do that,” James insisted to the remaining Marauders.

“Yes you would,” said Peter. They argued back and forth without realising Sirius’ heart had been irreparably broken.

He forced his way between them to get to his bed, closed the curtains and just lay there, fully clothed, until he heard somebody snore. He couldn’t sleep. He didn’t cry. He thought. Remus was the reason he was a poof, or something. Sirius wasn’t quite sure how that worked, only that no girl or any other boy made Sirius feel the way Remus did. If Remus was the only one for Sirius, then why would Remus be in love with Lily Evans? How? Didn’t the longevity and intensity of Sirius’ love for him mean Remus **had** to love him back at some stage? What was the point in feeling this way otherwise?

Maybe if Sirius saw Remus covered in sleep drool he’d stop having sexy dreams about him. He opened his curtains to take a look—Moony’s bed was empty. Sirius went into a silent panic and leapt out of bed to search for him. He found him curled up on the couch by the common room fireplace. Anyone who frowned in their sleep must be miserable. Sirius summoned Moony’s pillow and blankets from upstairs because he couldn’t bear to leave him alone for the time required to walk up and get them. Sirius carefully covered him up then knelt beside the armrest. He could only resist touching Remus’ face and hair for a short while. He knew he would only get the chance to do this once.

“I love you Remus.”

“I know, Sirius. I’m sorry.”

“You know?” Sirius asked quietly. How many secrets did poor Remus have?

Remus opened his eyes and tilted his head back to look at Sirius. He was so ordinarily handsome it hurt. “You stole books from the library about werewolves, then from the Restricted Section about Animagi, become a massive dog every month to stop me hurting myself, sleep beside me in that blighted shack until it’s over, and hate that Evans flirts with me. It didn’t take a Ravenclaw to figure it out.”

Yet he’d never said anything because he couldn’t love Sirius back.

“It isn’t fair,” Sirius lamented in a whisper.

“No, it isn’t.”

Sirius pressed his forehead against the edge of the armrest so he wouldn’t cry. Blacks, Gryffindors and men didn’t cry. He felt a hand in his hair.

“Sirius,” Remus said his name solemnly. Sirius looked up and Remus timidly kissed him. Sirius pulled back. Remus kept his hand in Sirius’ hair so he couldn’t get away. This was too cruel. “Please, let me. Just this once, because if I could love another boy like that then it would definitely be you, and, and you deserve to be kissed by the one you love.”

“Only if you can promise that you won’t be thinking of her,” Sirius said hoarsely. He didn’t want Remus to kiss him like this. He wanted it to be forever like it felt it should be. But he didn’t want to live forever without being kissed at all.

“I promise I’ll be thinking of you and of how hard I’ve tried to love you instead.”

“You have?”

Remus looked directly into his eyes and nodded. “We’d still have to find someone for Peter of course, but apart from that, it would have made everything perfect.”

They kissed for several minutes. Each meeting of lips was brief, soft, yet so tenderly affectionate. Sirius never imagined that anything so dreadful and final could be so wonderful. Tears spilled from each eye. Remus dabbed them away with the handkerchief from a pocket of his dressing gown and apologised again for not being gay.

“It’s no doubt for the best,” Sirius assured him. “What could be more terrifying than a homosexual werewolf?”

Remus’ lips quirked, proving he’d rather not find that comment amusing. Sirius brought their foreheads together before kissing Remus one last time, above an eyebrow, and letting him go.

“I’m sorry too, Remus, because I’ll always love you.”

And he did.  



End file.
